I wonder

Okay so I`ve been sitting in this coffee shop since about ten o`clock today and this is the... fourth day I've done this? I have no internet at home, still, so I just sort of hang out here no until they kick me out for not buying enough to justify my staying here all day. They're pretty cool though. The owner offered me a job, which is sick as hell, and I just realized how much of a douchebag I sound like sometimes.

Anyway, at the lunch hour rush about two hours ago there was this group of older people sitting at the big table across the cafe from me. There was one Asian lady who had the most high-pitched speaking voice ever and, even worse, the most high-pitched laugh. I was really wondering how much trouble I might get into for walking over there, slapping her senseless and telling her to shut the living hell up. It probably wouldn't be great for business at all and I doubt they'd let me hang out in there any more once I beat up an older Asian lady and screamed at her. Of course, maybe they'd keep me around to weed out all the weak and useless.

There's also this redheaded fellow who works here. I'm pretty sure his name is Liam because I'm an eavesdropper(It's how I make friends; I listen in on conversations and then I put in some witty interjection so that they realize right off the bat that I'm considerably cool, and on top of that I hear like a bat) and I heard the boss asking him to do something. Anyway, he's kind of your quintessential ginger kid and I really want to be his friend, if only to have a ginger friend. I'm not sure what it is about them but I'm hopelessly drawn to redheads. Bryce Dallas Howards is my perfect celebrity crush and even though I say I'm not a lesbian, I would definitely I should stop this sentence right now because I feel like if I continue, there's no going back. Anyway, I'm trying to think of a way to, um... make a new friend. Without being creepy. My dad always tells me to just go up to people and be like 'hey, you wanna hang out?' but I'm not thirteen any more, this isn't a swimming pool and it's kind of awkward to just go up to someone and ask if they want to go places or do things with you right off the bat, especially if you know their name and they don't know yours. You just end up looking like a right creeper that's probably going to rape them, kill them, rape them again, then cut them up and stick them in your freezer so you can eat them bit by bit.

I honestly have no idea how I've ever made friends in my life. I think I made one friend once when I was about five and then every friend I've made since then has just been because of that friend. Like... that one friend introduced me to people and then those people introduced me to other people and it just continued from place to place until now. Now that I live somewhere new and and foreign and cold, I don't have any extensions of friends here. I only have my dad and his girlfriend. Char is really cool but my dad likes telling me to 'go to beach parties' to meet people.

Thanks, Dad.

I'll go get really drunk, fuck some random people, pass out on your couch and give birth to a bastard child nine months later. People that go have drunken orgies at the beach kind of aren't people I want to be friends with. It actually sounds like a really retarded idea. I may as well just become an alcoholic right off the bat. Then I can go to AA meetings and meet friends there. "Hi, my name is Willow and I love to drink, shoot up and FUCK. Who wants to hang out? I'll let you do me!"

On a happier note, I have the biggest chocolate chip cookie in front of me I've seen in my life. Fuck you lactose intolerance, I'm gonna be a damn rebel today.

Let's hope my windpipe doesn't close up.